covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i believe in u and ur pee
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
