We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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