You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
