That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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