I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
