When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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