I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
