I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
