I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
