i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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