How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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