If that was your dad, he is hot
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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