What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
