Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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