God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
