Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
