Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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