We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
