Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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