I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
