Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
