Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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