He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
