If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
