i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
