i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
