youre lurking in front of me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
