no, he came in my armpit
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
