since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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