just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
