He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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