I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
