I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
