Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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