I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This baby is an asshole
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
