the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
