So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
