What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
