it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
