masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
