I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
