Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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