Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
