Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
