Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
