So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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