I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
