Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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