I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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