it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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