it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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