The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
