my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
