some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
