the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
