i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
