She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
