Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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