i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
