Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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