I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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