ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
