Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
